On Spirituality, Legacy, and Dining with People Who Change You
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I have been writing a lot about legacy, and community, and recently, about the biases that accompany memory. I often touch on spirituality without always naming it as such — that sense of connecting with power and people beyond the physical realm, different from, although often in relationship with, organized religion. One of the top researchers in that area — the one who has looked at the science and provable benefits of spirituality — is Dr. Lisa Miller.
I met Dr. Miller about ten years ago at a summer program in Aspen, and remembered her research (at the time, focused on children), and most especially, her warmth, deep sense of purpose, and ability to connect with individuals in an almost superhuman way. As one might say, she just has “a way about her.”
Earlier this year, I saw that she was presenting a webinar on her Awakened Brain research to 21/64, and knew I had to attend. It takes a particular talent to deeply connect with participants in a large seminar on Zoom, to make them feel seen, heard, and supported. And Dr. Miller did just that.
When I saw she was coming as a special guest lecturer to Oakland University as part of the Cis Maisel Center for Judaic Studies and Community Engagement, I knew I’d attend. I wanted to meet her again and really talk about her work — how it can benefit the field of philanthropic consulting, and those of us in Gen X (ish) who are in that middle stage of life. I asked a friend who is very involved at OU if he could help, and next thing I knew, I was at dinner with her.
That dinner was powerful. We opened up and shared our interest in Dr. Miller’s work, her insight, her questioning, and her ability to bridge differences and diverse experiences into a single, cohesive conversation. The group was vulnerable, and personal, and connected in a way that I know will always matter. We spoke of loss, and growth. It was deeply moving.
Once we arrived at Oakland University, some of us reconvened to debrief, fangirl a bit, and just revel in the warmth and familiarity a shared sense of purpose creates.
Dr. Miller then presented to a large audience, focusing on how her research shows that we each hold an important ability — if we activate it. We are all wired for connection, meaning, and spiritual awareness. And when recognized, that wiring makes us measurably better at nearly everything that matters in leadership and life. We cope better with the everyday ups and downs, and with the deeper challenges each person inevitably faces.
I was especially taken with her comments about the different spiritual awakenings one has in life. The first and second — birth and adolescence — are more commonly understood. The last one also seems rather logical, occurring at the ascension to elderhood. But the third one? That’s the one I know I’m at, and I imagine many of you are too.
It is that awakening that happens at midlife — where one questions and wonders, am I living my well-being? This spiritual period often begins with a depressive state, as developmental depression is the precursor to growth. I know I have felt it, and I hope I’m on the other side of it.
The lessons of that awakening are why I am doing what I am doing now. I see part of my purpose as helping others create and live their legacies. So many people live meaningful, fulfilled lives that deserve to be remembered and celebrated — and philanthropy is one powerful way to make that happen.
It actually takes me back to middle school, where Detroit Country Day would give the following benediction before lunch — one that has stayed with me my entire life. I could always hear it, but now, it truly makes sense.
“Keep us mindful, appreciative, and concerned for each other’s welfare.”
In my mind, I end it with “amen.” Because it is that important. That spiritual. That impactful.
What are you doing to activate your legacy? How does Dr. Miller’s work resonate with you? Let me know how I can help.
Fondly,
Kari
Dr. Lisa Miller (L) and me (R) on 3/30/2026
